Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Step it up, mom

First I want to apologize to my readers.

I closed my blog temporarily because I was not blogging, and didn't want any ambush comments from freaky weirdos popping up while I was not around.

But, I am back for now, hopefully I will be able to get around to writing more.

But I want to talk about first mothers.

Specifically, reunion and first mothers.

There is some debate out there about who's responsible for what when it comes to keeping the relationship going; adoptees should be more considerate of their mothers, mothers should be more considerate of their children, it goes on and on. Both sides want the validation we seek and deserve.

But I want to talk about MY mother.

We reunited in 1996. I found her, well I paid the agency to find her, so I initiated the reunion. It went well at first, then into the first year she cut all contact with me.

Called me up and just like that, told me she didn't have time for me in her life.

So, being the good little respectful adoptee, I obliged, and let her ignore me for the next decade. For over ten years I put up with this bullshit. And that's what it is BULLSHIT.

She was hiding, avoiding her feelings, avoiding her guilt, avoiding her shame. Avoiding ME so she didn't have to deal with it.

And where did that leave me...abandoned as an infant, abandoned again as an adult, while she played the victim? Now tell me, as an adoptee, how much of this do I really have to put up with? I think ten years is enough. And after a teeny tiny semi-re-reunion this year, she is back to ignoring me yet again.


Sorry, mother, but I am tired of being left with the emotional fallout for your inability to deal with the adoption. This was YOUR doing. Did I walk out of your vagina as an infant and put MYSELF up for adoption? I don't think so.

Grow up and take some goddamn responsibility. You could start by apologizing, a simple, "I'm sorry adoption has hurt you so much" would be nice, even if you thought it was the right thing to do back then, it has hurt ME and your actions since reunion have hurt ME.

If I bump into someone with my grocery cart, even though I didn't intend to hurt them, I at least say, "Oops I'm sorry," why can't our mothers apologize to us for the pain they caused us by giving us away?

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