Tuesday, September 8, 2009


I love fall. Back to school, dry air, cool nights, falling leaves...ahhh. My favorite favorite time of year. I met my mother for the 2nd time in my life in the fall.

The kids had their meet-the-teacher conferences today, and will start school tomorrow. It's so weird going into that Elementary school where I used to go, some of the same teachers are still there even! Wild.

I was going through pictures the other day and came across some old ones of me & my dad picking apples from the trees in the yard. I loved that. Although picking up the fallen, rotting apples before mowing was not one of my most favorite activities. But I miss apple picking, and I miss my dad. A lot. I feel so cheated. About everything.

The family I was born to gave me away and the family I was adopted by are all dead.

I feel a little like I have been washed overboard of a ship in the ocean; my little life raft is keeping me afloat but for how long? And who will come to rescue me? Nobody, the ship has sailed, they are going on to bigger and better things.

It's amazing to me how many times different family members cross my mind every day. If I spent as much time in the real world as I do with my thoughts, hell I just might get something accomplished. But as it is, I like my little internal world. It's a place where mothers don't give their babies away, where heart disease and cancer don't exist, and where weeds never invade the flower beds. That are full of bright and colorful asters and mums this time of year.

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