Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sometimes I wonder, if I died today, would anybody attend my funeral?

If I somehow disappeared, how long would it take for anyone to notice? Or would anyone notice at all?

I keep myself at a distance from others because it's easier than dealing with the eventual loss. Because it will happen, sooner or later.

But I wonder what it's like to be loved, to be truly wanted and needed. It must be a beautiful thing, but I'll never know it. My phone never rings, my mail box is always empty. My heart is full, but nobody cares. Nobody sees the me that is craving to be cared for.

I'll never "fit in." I'll never be that person that gets thought of, that is remembered, that others want to hang around. I've accepted that, but sometimes the realization still hurts.

3 wisecracks:

phil said...

(((Lillie)))

I would attend, I would notice, and I would miss you terribly.

But I know exactly this feeling. I go there too often myself. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I hope it's not permanent.

Ungrateful Little Bastard said...

I go there too.

I would notice. You'd be missed terribly.

GooseBreeder said...

I guess we all go there at particular times of misery don't we?Things reverberate with that initial trauma and away we go, plunged into the depths.Hope you're out now.

 
design by suckmylolly.com