Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Abolish Adoption?

There seems to be some kind of misunderstanding in the midst of the adoption reformers (or, "angry adoptees lol) and the rest of the world, those who love adoption and don’t see anything wrong with it at all look at the reformers and think we’d all like to see it go away completely, be abolished, leave no other alternative for those poor, unwanted, unloved, homeless, orphaned, abused, neglected children.


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Obviously, adoption has to be an option; there will always be a need for loving and stable homes. Oh, there are some people who truly do feel that adoption should go away completely, and some days, I tend to sway in that direction, but in reality, I know there is always a need for it. It just needs some tweaking, the furniture needs to be rearranged, the place needs a renovation.


A recent question over on the barf-fest that is Yahoo! Answers really tickled my funny bone (and not in a delightful way) and got me to thinking…if this person thinks that the pro-reform group has it backwards, then, WOW, he/she should take a long, hard look in the gilded mirror. This person states,

“Why do some adoptees want to ban adoption? I mean are they so angry they cannot see that adoption can benefit many? Can they not see outside their own “pain” that not everyone in the adoption industry is evil, not every decision to relinquish was forced? Do they honestly believe the foster care system is preferable? Or are they being influenced by b mothers groups, whose recollections of events may be hazed by regret and guilt?”

I don’t know where to start with this one. I mean, idiots come in all shapes and sizes, and I’d say that judging by this post, this idiot must be quite well rounded.


So I’ll just start at the beginning: Why do some adoptees want to ban adoption? I mean are they so angry they cannot see that adoption can benefit many?


Yes, start with the “angry adoptee” stereotype, always effective. Good show. Clap, clap. And just who is adoption benefiting…lawyers? Adoption agencies? I won’t argue with you there, bud. Yes, I’m sure there are MORE than a few happy adoption workers, whistling all the way to the bank. Oh, and let’s not forget the adopters, yes, it works out well for them too, they get that shiny new baybee, all cute and warm and smelling like oozing green shit.


Can they not see outside their own “pain” that not everyone in the adoption industry is evil, not every decision to relinquish was forced?


No, I can’t see outside my own pain. Neither can my n-mother, but thanks for your caring and compassion, I see that you must be one of those non-evil types, I can feel the love oozing from your pores. I wish you had adopted me, not.


Do they honestly believe the foster care system is preferable?


Preferable to what…having my name changed, my birth certificate altered and the original one sealed and locked away from me? Having my records made unavailable to me? Having my entire genealogy, my medical history, my social background become a huge secret that is ILLEGAL for me to know? Because I guess yeah, I’d rather know than be treated like a criminal for wanting to know.


Do you have to have a piece of paper to PROVE you are a parent, or can you love a child without it?


Or are they being influenced by b mothers groups, whose recollections of events may be hazed by regret and guilt?


This is a funny one. Regret and guilt…GEE DO YA THINK MORON?? Pffffffft.


I don’t need anyone to influence me, btw. I am an adult who is fully capable of forming my own opinions and thoughts, thank you very much. But thanks for treating me like an incapable child, again, you must be one of those non-evil types, I can still feel the love. Mmmmm.


You know, I thought some more about this idiot’s ranting and the same logic could be applied to those silly angry mothers who formed that dumb little thing called MADD.


I mean, why do some angry mothers want to stop everyone from driving home from the bar after a night of drunken debauchery just because one or two of them might have lost one of their kids? Can’t these mothers not see beyond their own pain that not EVERY drunken person who drives home ends up killing somebody? Or are they being influenced by AA members, whose memories are hazed by too many tequila shots and guilt about getting a little too flirty with every man in the bar?


Yeah. Why spoil the fun for all the adopters just because a few adoptees are hurt by being adopted, right?


Because it’s ALLLLL about the children.


Sure.

5 wisecracks:

Suz said...

Those questions nearly always come from a prospective adopter who is worried they wont get their piece of the baby pie.

I dont say I am anti-adoption. I am profamily and family preservation. Focus should be on family, natural/first, whatever you want to call it and if for someone reason the mother can't or wont parent, they kinship care followed by guardianship should be considered.

Under no circumstances should a child be remove from his family of origin, records sealed, names changed and new identity given.

That is my personal view.

All those bleeding hearts fighting for those poor orphaned children usually place their own needs first and then the child.

BIG difference IMO.

Lillie said...

I totally agree with you Suz. I would much rather see the FIRST CHOICE be keeping children within their own family unit, be it with another family member if their parents can't or won't care for them, instead of pushing adoption as the first and best choice.

And why an adoptee who speaks up about the pain of not knowing or having their original families is somehow a "bad" person...I mean, this is something that has been around since the beginning of time, but it just gets me every time.

Do we look down upon minorities who speak up against discrimination? Do we look down upon the founders of organizations such as MADD? No! At least sane people don't, because we know that what they stand for is RIGHT, and what we "angry" adoptees stand for is also right.

Give us our dignity, give us our rights, and give all children the right to stay with their own families FIRST instead of making "family building" more important than a child's right to be raised with his or her own people.

Possum said...

I LOVE this post Lillie.
I just couldn't answer that dribble over there.
But THIS - is brilliant.
Hugz,
Poss. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Cassi said...

Bravo!!
Great answers to an ignorant post. I agree with Suz, the questions come from the hopefuls who don't want to admit the TRUE reasons why they want adoption to remain in "fairy-tale" land.
I love your comparison with MADD. Very thought provoking.

The Passionate Peach said...

Just found your blog and love it ~ thanks for addressing the exact issues that we face...wish every prospective adoptive parent could read it.

 
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